All couples have their share of problems. Any healthy relationship will have it's "unhealthy" aspects: areas of communication that may need work; disagreements in need of resolution; and some residual feelings of anger towards a situation that occured in the past. All in all, with a little {or a lot} of effort, and with the ability to listen and the desire to compromise, the healthy aspects will outweigh the problematic ones; thus, the relationship will continue to thrive.
Problems are good to have. Problems represent an opportunity for growth.
Unfortunately for this blog, I'm not talking about the types of problems that promote growth. I'm talking about the kinds of relationships where problems facilitate self-destructive behavior rather than individual growth. I'm talking about the kinds of relationships where abuse (of any kind) is the basis of the connection between the two individuals involved. I'm talking about the kinds of relationships that are poisonous and affect your emotional (mental and physical) health; and yet, are soooooooooooo hard to walk away from.
We all know (and some of us have even been) someone who has kept going back to an unhealthy relationship. He/she is either being used, cheated on, abused, or worse, and yet they can't let their victimizers go. We sit there and wonder to ourselves, "Why does he/she (or 'I') stay in a relationship that is utterly horrible?" We shake our heads disapprovingly and in surprise.
Abuse & mistreatment in early childhood breeds the mentality that he/she deserves it. Abuse is a very vicious cycle, and it's chains are exceedingly difficult to break--I should know, as someone who has been abused many times in my life. I and others like this apparently have an issue with "self-worth". Unfortunately, we can't give anyone "self-worth" (it's a "self" thing). It is something one has to learn (and create) on his/her own and with time.
If you're asking yourself, "I don't know why I put up with this person. It doesn't make any sense. They treat me like shit, they don't love me, they use me. It's something about he/she that keeps me here like a fool. It has to be LOVE."
NO. It's not love. Again, LOVE is not at fault.
If you're saying to yourself, "I try to leave but the person won't let me go."
NO. Do not blame it on the other person for keeping themselves around. You know that if there's someone you really don't want in your life, they won't be there.
Who's to blame?
I'll say this: abuse becomes an addiction and a necessity for someone who has faced it in the past. It's not so much that you can't walk away from the person...it's more so that you can't walk away from your perceived role as the "abused".
The battle is within...
What is your opinion?
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1 comment:
The battle is within...When you have been trained to feel, think, love, and react in a certain manner, change is the hardest thing to come by. Breaking a cycle takes time and lots of work. Think of a drug addict, they don't become clean overnight. It may takes some months or ever YEARS until they find the courage within "SELF" to get to that place. Change is no easy walk in the park....
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